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Tuesday, December 11, 2018

Amazing Feedback Please!!!!

Talofa lava Amazing readers and welcome to my blog,


Today I am posting about my writing. It is about a spy which is a fox and he goes to find the wicked Dr hammer. My goal was to use strong describing words and action word. I haven't finish it so you could go and watch the video then comment something that I could add next time. Here is my writing hope you enjoy it.

Use strong describing words and action words
When the sea was nice and calm a small family of  penguins came to a big iceberg in the
middle of the sea, there was a mum penguin, a dad penguin and a baby. They were
feeling happy and a bit worried  the baby penguin was going to do his first swim in the
cold icy water. The baby penguin got onto the iceberg and floated into the water. Then
as the mum and dad were proud a laser stract  and crushed the iceberg and the baby
penguin was a lone and this could only be the work of the wicked Dr hammer.
Dr hammer said in 1 more hour my  till my deadly lazer will flood the whole world.

One quiet afternoon Spy fox and Lily were relaxing on the couch then Spy fox watch started to beep really loud just when Lily tried to give him a drink so he said “ sorry Lily I guess we’ll  just have to put our date on pause.” Then he jumped in his flying spy fox car and drove to Dr hammer’s hideout on a hidden island in the middle of the ocean


When he finally got to the hideout he found that the hideout had sardines minion that were blocking the door to get to the hideout. Then he heard the chuckling of Dr hammer so he got on top of the of roof and saw a vent but there  were sardines blocking it to so he climbed up and did his karate moves on the sardines so now that he could go in the hideout. As he was climbing through the vent he saw a big countdown on the on the big screen. When he got the part of the vent where he could get close to Dr hammer but not to now that Dr hammer had kidnaped Lily and put her tied up and lined up to get cut up with a cutting machine  and Dr hammer had his red powerful laser ready to strike again and he said to Spy fox “ you rather save the world or lily.” so he quickle saved lily so lily said “ I will take care of the sardines and Dr hammer you take care of the lazer.’’ so then he tried to look for the button to stop the laser he said “ which button”

Hope enjoyed it and I hope you comment what more I should add thank you so much for reading bye


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